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2 Reviews
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brass
Posted Nov 19, 2008
The Pros
you gotta have some in order to throw a journal entry out there, so i'm not going to have you crap for what's in it, mainly because the subject matter is easy to relate to. i don't know a lot of people who are just outright happy to bring down their own walls, some due to their nature, other due to things that's happened to them in the past that makes them that way. i think it's a bit of a leap to start throwing out words like narcissist and egomaniac in a review of a single journal entry, but that's just me.
The Cons
I thought the metaphor made sense, but I make it a practice to read over it a few times, so I'd say the only con was in trying to find a way to review it, given that it was a journal entry.
Final Thoughts
I'd like to see more entries from this journal in the future, I liked the voice and ambition to start to translate some of the things inside into metaphor.
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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Not insightful enough
Posted Nov 18, 2008
The Pros
You kept to the metaphor consistently for most of the piece, and it was easy to follow.
The Cons
Overall, I'd say the biggest problem with this piece is the metaphor. The golden throne inside your mind - it's not thought through. Only egomaniacs and narcissists think like that, and to call yourself a god in the first paragraph only exemplifies this, rather than relating to what aristotle said.
Final Thoughts
I didn't have any problems with the technique, but the actual ideas in this piece seem fundamentally flawed. To consider yourself apart from humanity is to consider yourself dead inside, rather than a kind of monarch.
The girl seemed to be a distraction from this obvious point, thus not offering a true resolution to the piece.
I'm negging this piece because I disagree with the ideas in here more than the writing itself. The ideas go hand in hand with the writing though, so I think it's valid.
Author's Reply
TO be honest, i did not write this to write well. This is a stream of consciousnesses, in that respect, describing the workings of the narrators mind. A journal entry, to be precise.
If you really want to debate this, we can go at it...the narrator isnt saying he's a god, nor a beast, but what he is saying is that he is apart, and he will always be. You can call him an egomaniac, or a narcissist, but i call him an introspective philosopher, whose words only a few can relate to. But i would also say his words are more true to himself than any other.
Thanks for the review,
Archanon
0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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