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Your sister is in critical condition. The chances are slim she will survive.”
“Is…is there any cure, or antidote of any kind?”
The doctor sighed. “None that are available.”
“ok…can I see her?”
“Xeric, I wouldn’t. I’m sure it would be her wish for you, and the rest of her family to remember her as she was.”
He nodded. “If she will soon be dead I think she will forgive my selfishness. I want to talk with my sister.”
“Ok, but promise me you will remember nothing of what you see…for her sake.”
“I promise.”
“Follow me.”
The silence of the infirmary grew even more audacious with every step they took towards his sister’s hospital bed. Until finally, the doctor put his back to the wall next to a dancing lamp- light and said, “This is her room, at my side.”
Xeric nodded and clasped his hand around the doorknob. He slowly turned it and pushed it open. There, on the floor entangled in a thin sheet, was the diseased heap of his sister.
Xeric walked in and the doctor followed.
“She was on the bed, when I last checked on her.”
“Convulsions?”
“Its likely.”
The doctor took two pairs of gloves, and handed one to Xeric. “Lets help her back on the bed.”
She lie facedown, one hand above her head the other, underneath her body.
“Grab her legs, ill grab her arms. If I can fish out the other, she’s laying on it.”, the doctor said.
Xeric took hold of both of her legs. The doctor’s face paled.
“Doctor? Are you ok?”
“No…”
The doctor leaned back on the bead and wearily stared at the ceiling
“What’s wrong?”
“I warned you, Xeric my boy…She ate her hand.”
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The grim aspect of the piece is good. The dialogue is okay.
The concept of the piece is good.
To make it more personal or relatable or whatever ... maybe add some emotion or some senses. What did the room smell like? Was the room cold/hot? Any distinct colors or all white?... (
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