My Touch

Yes, it’s a universal feeling. It was conveyed rather expertly too.

I happen to hate the way the words
Were
Like
This.
It did feel cheap and plastic, and really sullied the message. I think if you’d done it only once with the “and not him” (which did stand out very well), it’d be much more effective.

Eh…it was good, I guess, but nothing that I really liked. It seemed most of the poem was falling back on that little line trick, so there’s not really much to say. It’s just not up to your usual standards.

Though unconventional ( i thought) it was interesting. The message, actually, was very conventional, but the methods by which you conveyed it was different and i think that steered you further away running into melodrama and cliche.

I enjoyed this.
Its been said, the way you put the words scrolling down the screen,
like
this
actually gave emphasis to the words. IT singled each out. I think A MUCH better tactic would be one where you DIDN'T have to mar the format of writing, and still have the same effect.
This part was cheap to me, a bit plastic, and cheating, lol. The effect it gave was, well, predictably good. Just, it would be much better if you didnt have to tear apart the writing format to get a point across, is all. Just my op.

What i did like was the imagery...sex sells hardcore.
lol

The other dude said this addressed a universal thing, but im gonna say it addressed a common, boring thing. A cliche filled with melodrama, a repeated concept expressed by countless others.
Your piece has the same idea of so many others. What will make me want to read YOUR writing above others' writing?

If your planning to write for a career, which i doubt, then it needs more creative thrust that comes from you and YOU ALONE.

However, it did have its own unique flavor


overall, not bad.

I think this poem captures the experience of ongoing longing both physically and emotionally for a girl we're no longer with quite well.

I liked how when the words were

put
like
this.

At the end of the stanzas, they were all well chosen words, because it was easy to imagine they had been perhaps said or thought slowly, over breaths, or straining to get out.

And
Not
Him

struck a chord with me... the feeling of not being with 'that' girl is made so much worse when she's with someone else.

Most poetry doesn't capitalize the first letter in the poem on each line anymore. I think it makes poems instantly flow better once their removed, but that's completely up to you.

I like this poem. Good core of more sensual imagery, supported by the strength of the authors structure.