Forbidden Fruit

As an introspective tragedy, it certainly hit the spot! I could feel the regret and wistfulness throughout the spine of the piece (after a few reads)

I liked the line, 'The girl that dances in the rain', its amazing how a simple image can sometimes clinch a poem.

For a poem of this type (4 verse, ABAB rhyming) I felt the differing lengths of the lines took away from the natural rhythm. It seemed to stutter rather than flow.

Also, a lot of the more meaningless words like so and 'and' seemed to detract from the effectiveness of the piece. These words should be just functional fillers, not taking the majority of the reader's attention

Well done! Perhaps look at the technicalities of the piece a bit and tidy it up.

The subject was interesting. It left me wondering what gender the author is.

I think that you could be a little more economical with your words. I think that there are too many and, of's, and the's. Every word counts! =)

Great content, very relatable to women! =)

I liked the way you wrote it, as an observer lecturing a guy who used someone. You stuck to a rhyme scheme. I liked the wording, as well.

Your title is a bit ambitious. How does it fit your piece? Your rhythm was off a bit. And you jumped from topic to topic.

I really liked what I got out of it!
Don't let your reviews discourage you!

Keep writing!
~Kisten~

"From wrist to wrist, your fate is tied"
That line had a very nice ring to it. It doesn't seem to quite fit into the piece perfectly, though...

I don't think the poem quite lived up the title. It didn't portray for the me the absolute craving of a Forbidden Fruit. It seems more about just wanting a girl, not necessarily wanting a girl that you can't have.
The last line also didn't connect properly. It looks like it went from "You blew it" to "You have her".
Maybe I'm misinterpreting it?

The piece isn't bad. As almost any piece of poetry, it could use some work though.
And perhaps the title should be changed...

The structure is well put together aside from the loss of rhythm as was mentioned. Very nice choice of words all around.

To me it felt that it jumped topics after the third set of lines. While I see how it all works out, just personally didn't like it.

Can't really do a long review of poetry, what can I say

Very nice subject, flows fairly well.

You lost rhythm in a few verses - example:

You chose to cast her away,
Without a second thought,
She was just your game to play,
So why hide how hard you fought?

Try and keep the same rhythm throughout and this would be very good