Elementalist (New Intro)

I wish more comments were available because I am not sure my advice helps...I really have no ground to stand on.
Like I said before...this story can be amazing.
Your ability to completely re-write is great.

The way that it is written now is like a summary.
The first block could be a prologue or broken up throughout the book.
The second block could be split up in to a couple of chapters. It seems like an outline.
Everything sounds great it just needs to be written differently.
Pick a spot to start the story, pick a voice and go for it. Place the reader in your world and build around the reader.
If you start in the village...create the village put us in it.
As for your characters...make the reader emotionally attached to the two main characters.

Bring back the Hermit from the first post....the guy in the cave or the forest.
This hermit could do/be so many things.
Seriously he could be Luke's father...the two kids could really be sibblings and he left them in the town after watching the villagers from another town burn his wife at the stake for being an Elementalist and being accused of witchcraft or something stupid like that.
No, but on a real serious note he could be the way for you to tell the reader the history of the war and Elementalist.
He could be watching over the city keeping an eye out for the return of the evil thingies.
I don't know...I agree with the above...trust yourself and keep writing.

I know you really wanted to paint a picture, but im afraid, if your TELLING the reader what it was like and not showing, then a more unique and elaborate picture is necessary. Utilize the infinite freedom you have with the descriptive language to make it so dam vivid its burnt into the reader's head. I mean it. lol

This sounded really cliche' to me

I kind of already said them.

Keep on working at it man. WIth writing there isn't any limits. Take advantage of it, and trust your own judgment on what to say in the story above ALL else.
good luck bro.